It's killing me slowly....that thing called my job

I have been at my current post for almost 11 years. My 11 year anniversary will take place at the end of August. I still can't believe it. I never thought I'd be old enough to be anywhere for 11 years, but that time has come. I'll also be married for 11 years on August 17. That is something I'm very proud of. However, I thought I'd be proud of that amount of time at a job as well.

I was raised with a much different work ethic than what I see today. You were dedicated, you worked hard, you kept your chin up and you stuck to it no matter what, and that's exactly what I've done here. I've never been a quitter but at the present moment I want to be one more than ever.

Don't get me wrong, I totally do not agree with promotions and pay raises, etc based strictly on the amount of time one has worked without the substance to back it up. I thought I was doing that here, but it seems I was mistaken.

I used to think seriously about using the word hate, because it is a very strong word, and in this situation, it really does apply. I hate my job and I hate being here.

I have never had heartburn in my life, yet every Sunday night like clockwork it starts all over again and the onslaught on my stomach/digestive system rears its head once again. At this rate, I'm going to be buying stock in Pepcid, Tums, etc. I've downed more of those pills in the last three months than I have in my entire lifetime. Let me tell you that it makes eating so enjoyable, as well as the enjoyment of a cold adult beverage. The latter of which I rarely do anymore because it eats me up like acid.

I have become a shell of my confident, outgoing self in a hostile, stifling environment. It's hard to believe you are what you know you are and can be when you've been made to feel the complete opposite for so long. This crunch down over time leads you to believe what you've been come to feel, and that's not a fun place to be.

For eight years I have had fairly glowing reviews and fair salary increases, well that all changed on January 18, 2007.

More later...I need to take a deep breath before my blood pressure skyrockets once again....I only have 17 more minutes left to get through for today.