Re-creation: Bumper sticker I saw today

At first glance I thought it should have read, "God is coming and she is pissed!"

Everyone has to start somewhere..or guess what I got in the mail the other day

It was on sale and cheap, so I thought I would order both of them out of curiosity. Well, here you go. Upon further inspection, I've discovered that these are both tapes on learning Children's songs in Mandarin. I've got a long way to go, but I assure you that as with any feeble attempts I have had at singing in English, there will under NO circumstances for anyone to witness my attempts at any level of Mandarin, for fear that my lack of ability would render them speechless.

Kitty Katie takes over a new bed

I found this at a thrift store and brought it home to use for displaying some of my nicer porcelain dolls. However, when I went out of town to visit my parents for the weekend, the cat had other ideas, and being a cat, she did just that and took over this as her new bed. Priceless.

Presenting the best birthday present ever from a friend who really knows the inner me.....

This is a Buddha lamp that they sell at Walmart for $19.95, and I have known about it for quite some time. It was one of those things that I really had wanted to get as a gift and didn't want to go out and buy for myself (which I normally am not apt to do as I lack the patience to wait in that regard). However, from a friend who listens and knows me well, you know who you are, and you did listen - thus the best birthday present ever! It also helps that I'm easily amused. I was going to bring it home and keep it to myself, but I have decided to keep it here at work as you cannot look at this guy without smiling, and right now, I need that here.

Yes, I wear Crocs or Crocs with Socks

Transferrable Skills & Jobs I've Had

You can't explain to people sometime (when they're younger, ie teenager) about the inherent value of transferrable skills. However, as an adult, I've grown to appreciate these types of skills more and more as time goes on. It's only recently that I've begun to realize the power that lies within harnessing the skills and using them to your own advantage.

It made me think back to the list of jobs I've had throughout my life, and wanted to share that here for posterity's sake, in no particular order:

• Babysitter
• Bather/Brusher for a Dog Grooming Salon
• Putt Putt where my former meat eating self worked w/icecream, brats/hotdogs & patrons
• Nurses aide at a nursing home (that lasted less than a month)
• TCBY (that lasted two weeks)
• McDonald's (I quit 20 minutes before I was supposed to start)
• Receptionist for a multi-agent insurance agency/broker
• Data entry for a small family owned business that sold personal safety mace like stuff
• Making Vending Machine packaged food (a few weeks one summer for extra money)
• Data entry for CompuServe as a temp when I first moved here
• Freelance writer for both a central ohio parenting and senior citizen magazines
• Newspaper Reporter/Magazine Contributer/Theatre Critic while in College at BGSU
• Internships at the Cleveland Metroparks and the BGSU Alumni Public Relations Office
• Page Layout/Composition Coordinator for a central Ohio newspaper group
• PR Coordinator for a state professional society
• my current post as communications director for a state professional organization
• MRDD County Respite Care Provider
• MRDD State Certified Supported Living Care Provider

I think that about covers all of the paying and non-paying major things that I've done. My volunteer work spans working with animals in every capacity possible, hospice patient work, therapy dog work, etc. When I was growing up my mom was involved in community theatre and thus ultimately I ended up being a theatre minor in college and pledging for our honorary theatre fraternity Theta Alpha Phi. I was mostly into stage management and handling the behind the scenes nitty gritty anal details and making sure that everyone and everything was where they were supposed to be when they were supposed to be there.

In my first "real" interview out of college (and a job that I ended up getting and keeping for nine months before coming to current said position), my boss-to-be asked me what kind of management experience I had. I thought only for a brief moment and then related to him the stage management experience I had during and throughout college, and what that entailed. He then replied that he would take that hands-on, real, practical management experience over an MBA any day, and thus began my education into transferrable skills.

Somebody Read My Blog

Yes, I'm excited and not afraid to say so. Ok, that was exciting, and yes, I can be a dork that way. Wen may not remember this, but years ago, I met her when I was out visiting Liz & Andrea for Liz's 30th birthday. If I'm not mistaken, Wen was at Liz's birthday party. I'm horrible with remembering a face, but I almost never forget a name.

Where life takes you

I read the phrase, "Life is not a destination, it's a journey" (or something to that effect), and it's amazing just how true those words can be. For the past five years, I've essentially been unsatisfied and unfulfilled in the job that I used to see as a career. For the past year, I've wanted out in a bad way, but I get stuck in that rut known as a comfort trap and I sidetrack myself in not so good ways. For the past eight months, I've been made a job out of working on getting the heck out of here, a here that I used to love.

I've had several interviews at some very high profile institutions in the central Ohio area. It's something to say that I've interviewed with some of these organizations. But alas, nothing has come of any of it. It's so bad that I took off work for a mental health day a few weeks back and have called off sick on days that I would have toughed it out and just worked through it in the past. My resolve is no longer as strong as it used to be. I don't like that about myself, but it's partially a mental survival mechanism any more.

About a month ago, I had an interview that I felt went very well and had a good feeling about when I walked out the door. It's a non-profit that I've donated to in the past, so it was nice to get to know them a little better. However, that night I went home and thought, "Oh my God, this could be it, this could really happen, oh shit!" Yeah, the "it" being the job that delivered me out of my current round of monotony. Thus started the circle of thinking and deep thinking issues about everything in my life.

It's funny how the smallest moment or situation can make you think that introspectively, but that's exactly what happened to me. The kind of what the heck am I still doing here questions? All I could think about this potential job offer is, is this what I really want to be doing with the rest of my life, for the same amount of money at a different place, and the bottom of my heart, search my soul answer was a resounding "NO". That was a scarey and freeing conclusion to come to all in the same breath.

If what I trained and studied for in school and planned on as a career isn't where I want to be, then where do I want to be and how do I get there exactly? I sat up for six hours that night and knew for certain that I didn't want to go after this job or something similar to it. I'm ready for the big kind of different the kind of different that I swore I would never be looking at, but find myself longing for yesterday.

Working with the Web on this Blog

Well, I've added a few bells and whistles to this page for my own amusement more than anything else, as I know my readership at this point is ZERO. I'm hoping that at some point this may change and folks might think I have something interesting to say.

As a kid, I used to keep a diary, and I did this for many years. I still have these diaries locked away and to this day, not another soul's eyes have read those pages. Then as I got a little older, I began to write poetry and those are locked away with the diaries as well. That's why it's strange to me that I've come to actually be intrigued by this public format. However, everytime I think of starting a hand-written journal again, it falls by the wayside. I'm much quicker with a keyboard and have enough downtime in my currently monotonous daytime schedule to allow me to endulge in this endeavor.

It's killing me slowly....that thing called my job

I have been at my current post for almost 11 years. My 11 year anniversary will take place at the end of August. I still can't believe it. I never thought I'd be old enough to be anywhere for 11 years, but that time has come. I'll also be married for 11 years on August 17. That is something I'm very proud of. However, I thought I'd be proud of that amount of time at a job as well.

I was raised with a much different work ethic than what I see today. You were dedicated, you worked hard, you kept your chin up and you stuck to it no matter what, and that's exactly what I've done here. I've never been a quitter but at the present moment I want to be one more than ever.

Don't get me wrong, I totally do not agree with promotions and pay raises, etc based strictly on the amount of time one has worked without the substance to back it up. I thought I was doing that here, but it seems I was mistaken.

I used to think seriously about using the word hate, because it is a very strong word, and in this situation, it really does apply. I hate my job and I hate being here.

I have never had heartburn in my life, yet every Sunday night like clockwork it starts all over again and the onslaught on my stomach/digestive system rears its head once again. At this rate, I'm going to be buying stock in Pepcid, Tums, etc. I've downed more of those pills in the last three months than I have in my entire lifetime. Let me tell you that it makes eating so enjoyable, as well as the enjoyment of a cold adult beverage. The latter of which I rarely do anymore because it eats me up like acid.

I have become a shell of my confident, outgoing self in a hostile, stifling environment. It's hard to believe you are what you know you are and can be when you've been made to feel the complete opposite for so long. This crunch down over time leads you to believe what you've been come to feel, and that's not a fun place to be.

For eight years I have had fairly glowing reviews and fair salary increases, well that all changed on January 18, 2007.

More later...I need to take a deep breath before my blood pressure skyrockets once again....I only have 17 more minutes left to get through for today.

In memory of those who are gone too soon

*

For Lars Shygirlmike aka Shygirl - our Gummybear Princess written Fri., May 11

"I wish I could go to sleep and then wake up tomorrow and have this all be a dream, but the pain in the pieces of my broken heart and the raging storm inside my head quickly bring me back to reality, and devastatingly so. Candles light leaves a warm glow around the all too quiet house in central Ohio tonight. Wishing a swift and peaceful journey on my angel's way to get her wings at 7:15 pm tonight. To say the tears let loose a flood, would be referring to the Nile as a puddle, crocodile size tears have consumed my very being this evening. I didn't think I could bring myself to a keyboard tonight, but I'm wandering aimless at home tonight and it all seems so unreal. I needed to share, to do something, within a circle of understanding.

She graced our life with her presence, and commanded the attention of all that surrounded her. After she became toothless, she officially became the Gummybear Princess and fit the bill she did. The house is so quiet it's maddening, as this would have been the time of day she would have began yet another round of barking orders (literally) that would last a half hour or more on some occasions. Remember with me tonight, hug your hounds, light a candle, and do as I did each and every day, and as I held her in my arms for her final journey, and kiss all your hounds, and look them in the eye and repeat the following as I did to Shygirl, "I'll love you always." For me Shygirl, my sweet grey girl, my heart aches for you until we are together once again, fly free sweet angel, for "I have seen beauty but none to match your living grace". Her absence leaves me greyless for the first time in ten years..."

*A very dear friend's love, talent and eye for beauty came together to immortalize Shygirl . No one could have put as much love and tenderness into such a beautiful extension of my heart. Not a person in the entire universe could give to me what she did by putting her hand to canvas to capture my dear girl's life, love & spirit. Her sweet hands, gentle love & unending friendship will cradle Shygirl for all eternity.

A poem by Janice Comstock-Jones

My heart, it is a crystal thing, too hard to breach or break,

And I have worked to make it so

To shield myself from ache.

In times too dark to contemplate

My very soul was slashed

By things all vile and cruel and vast

That left me gored and gashed.

It's said that time will heal all wounds,

But I've seen different ways,

That healing leaves its toughened scars,

And guarded defense pays.

So slow to trust, so scarred and worn,

Yet there are those who mayslip in within my armored heart and not be turned away.

The soft of fur, the sparkling eyes

That glow with love unearned,

The silky ears that listen for the verbal love returned...
The eager face, the waggly tail express the purest thought

Without condition or restraint,

A love that can't be bought.
Not bought nor begged, but given, free,

And yet worth more than gold

The love a dog will give away

While keeping gentle hold.
He wraps it like a tangled leash

Around your mind and heart

And tugs it tight to keep you safe

When near or far apart.
He gives his true, unblemished love,

His life, his heart, his whole,

In selfless adorationof the one who shares his soul.

But, here, too, pain and loss dwell

For the little ones slip 'way,

When their dear but fragile bodies

Will not allow their stay.

Though their days are not so lengthy,

And they leave us fiercely quick,

Still they leave the tender mem'ries

Of the look, the touch, the lick,

And we carry them within us,

Even when the banshee sounds

And they guard us with the strength

Of a love that knows no bounds.

In a softer, quiet moment, Think of him,

remember whenyou walked the rocky roads together,

And always hold the love within.

For Princess Abbey written Tues., June 5

"Why can't it be good news from me for once.... It's not a good morning. After watching her at home this morning, it breaks my heart minute by minute, but I know that the Abbey we know and loved isn't there any more, and she deserves more dignity than she's able to live with right now. I was praying I would be spared having to make this ever heart wrenching decision but we both know it is what is best for her. I can't watch her go down hill any more. She's progressed much more so in this regard over the last month, and today was the day I know she was letting me know it is time. It's days and times like this that make being here at work mean nothing and feel like I'm wasting my time and myself away being here. I'm taking a vacation day tomorrow and I have my parents coming down for the day. I talked to my veterinarian early this morning and he's going to stay late for us tonight. It makes me even happier that I played hookey from work yesterday... To hit me in the gut even more, I came in this morning and my Big Lots only surviving parking lot fish was dead. I'm beginning to think that the next job I get will be as the grim reaper."

Abbey & Shygirl - Sept. 2006 - BarkPark

I Am Not There by Joyce Fossen
Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn's rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush.
Of quiet birds circled in flight,
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there, I did not die.

Let's try this......once again

When I first started doing this last year (and amittedly I've sucked at keeping up with this), it was a novel idea, then life and time took over and this fell way far to the wayside. However, as time progresses and I continue to read and keep up with the blogs you see listed to the right hand side, I "get" why people do this in more ways than one.

A blog I came across once said something to the effect that the writer might be the only one in the world reading it, but it was nice to know you had somewhere in the world to tuck those words away if you wanted to. I liked that concept. Given that I have not kept up with this, I doubt that a reader exists for this site, but on the other hand, I'm going to give it a shot and see if some interest can't be drummed up in something I might have to say. If not, I'll think of this as my "somewhere in the world to tuck those words away".